There have been many times I’ve stayed awake at night wondering what I was doing wrong, what could be wrong with my kids. Why is motherhood SO hard? I’ve realized….Nothing is wrong!!! Not with them, not with me, not the way I parent. What I was doing wrong was comparing them. Not to say we shouldn’t continue to strive to be better versions of ourselves but we should stop comparing. Or if I do still compare them (and myself) to others, I simply accept that we are in a different season or on a different path. Here are some things that have helped me and I truly hope they help you!
*Avoid Comparing kids: Getting inspired by others is a great thing, but putting our kids down by comparison can harm their self esteem. I’ve been guilty of saying “look at those kids eating so peacefully at the table next to us” while my kids run around the restaurant playing. It didn’t change my kids behavior but it did turn the dinner negative. Comparing kids to their peers and siblings can be devastating for kids and can ruin their relationships with each other. Teaching is far more effective than comparing!
*Keep it positive: Kids crave attention and if they don’t get positive attention they revert to negative. Your intention may be to get your child to do better at school, sports, manners, etc. Try to find moments when they are doing well in any area offer praise which will most likely improve future behavior or performance.
*Having role models
While, ideally, you need to be their role model, you could also look at someone in the family that you can talk about in such a way that your kids start emulating the positive traits of that relative/family member. There are several older girls on Anya’s swim team that she adores. They are sweet, kind girls as well as good students and athletes. Anya looks up to there’s girls and tries to emulate their admirable traits.
*Love them for who they are. I have expectations of the grades I want them to get, how I want them to act in public, to perform in sports, etc. It’s so important to have high standards but even more important to support them in their dreams and goals, to forgive them for their shortcomings, and to meet them where they are at regardless of “performance.”
More than anything as Mothers we want our kids to be happy and healthy and ultimately they just want us to love them!